garden fire
Light a huge fire.
If you’ve been cleaning up the garden and find yourself looking at a huge pile of dried plant material, you might be tempted to take the match and petrol approach to waste disposal. Although birds and other wildlife find it really exciting, it’s actually really dangerous and neighbours who have clothes drying will smell of camp fire. Best avoid it.

elephantBuy an elephant. With all this talk of sustainability, organic gardening and saving wildlife you could easily find yourself falling in the trap of buying an elephant. Yes they will keep the grass trimmed, fertilize the soil and the kids will love it, but they’re not totally suited to the average domestic garden. In recent months there have been a spate of accidents were elephants have gotten their trunks caught in trellis. Also, they tend to drink from ponds and bird tables thus reducing opportunity for biodiversity. 

flooded garden Leave the hose on: While migrating birds and thirsty elephants will love the additional water, leaving the hose on can have a number of negative impacts on the garden. Besides the issues around getting the lawn cut and attaching flotation devices to the furniture, a flooded garden can encourage mosquitos. However, bouncy castles tend to be a lot more fun. If you must water the garden, get yourself a water butt.


rave Host an illegal rave: It’s been a long winter and times are tough so you can be forgiven for considering a rave. The event itself might actually be great fun, but in reality your neighbours and surrounding fauna may not appreciate the throbbing beats and sounds of debauchery. Delirious crows may also cause some damage to any bedding schemes you’ve created. Best to give it a miss. Have a couple of friends around for a BBQ.

garden lighting Attract low flying aircraft: Garden lighting is great, especially in a country with such low levels of ambient light as Ireland. However, most folks either put too much or too little lighting in. The former is typically blinding and attracts low flying aircraft, the latter usually involves some form of solar bollard. Put garden lights in but do some research first.